To the people of LA, |
You seem like nice people. OK so you don't walk much and have no heritage, but that's no reason to wish upon you a natural phenomenon that will have more impact than the Northridge earthquake of 1994.
In six months a family called the Beckhams will arrive among you. They have applied for People of Extraordinary Talent status; he is a footballer, she is a Personal Shopper, main client:
herself.
They have three boy-children whose diamond-encrusted Tiret watches can be seen from space.
Mrs Beckham does not like to be called Vicky and will not address anyone called Rebecca. She likes to wear very high heels - the soles of her feet have not touched the ground since 1996.
She has just written a book called That Extra Half Inch, which gives |
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‘They have three boy- children whose diamond-encrusted Tiret watches can be seen from space’ |
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style tips to the less fortunate.
She is also a master of languages ("Donde Gucci?") so will be able to communicate with the multi-racial community in LA County.
The good news is that, in a region with over 20m people, Mrs Beckham does not take up much physical space. The bad news is that she's not blonde and never likely to be, and is all elbows and knees. Bump into her and it'll hurt.
However, as the DNA of more than 90 per cent of Bel Air is made up of half plastic, half bouncy hair, she'll slot in more comfortably than Lindsay Lohan at a cocktail bar.
Mr Beckham is a quietly intellectual man who plays football. He is blond, not unattractive and changes his hairstyle frequently. He holds his wife's hand a lot to stop her being blown over.
Enjoy!
FIRST POSTED JANUARY 12, 2007 |
