Boris Johnson - in his own words

THE CONSERVATIVE CANDIDATE IN THE LONDON MAYORAL ELECTION

ON HIS CAREER:
Try as I might, I could not look at an overhead projection of a growth profit matrix, and stay conscious. - November 2004, explaining why he left his first career in management consultancy

ON THE TRAINS:
To rely on a train, in Blair's Britain, is to engage in a crapshoot with the devil. - July 2003

ON THE LIB DEMS:
The Lib Dems are not just empty. They are a void within a vacuum surrounded by a vast inanition. - September 2003

ON TONY BLAIR:
It is just flipping unbelievable. He [Tony Blair] is a mixture of Harry Houdini and a greased piglet. He is barely human in his elusiveness. Nailing Blair is like trying to pin jelly to a wall. - January 2004

ON LEADING THE TORIES:
My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive. - June 2004

ON HIS AFFAIR:
I have not had an affair with Petronella [Wyatt]. It is complete balderdash. It is an inverted pyramid of piffle. It is all completely untrue and ludicrous conjecture. I am amazed people can write this drivel. - November 2004, a week before he admitted to the affair and was sacked from the Conservative front bench

ON VOTING TORY:
Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3. - April 2005

ON BEING SACKED:
Nothing excites compassion, in friend and foe alike, as much as the sight of you ker-splonked on the Tarmac with your propeller buried six feet under. - December 2004, on being sacked from the Tory front bench

ON DRUGS:
Yes, cannabis is dangerous, but no more than other perfectly legal drugs. It's time for a rethink, and the Tory party - the funkiest, most jiving party on Earth - is where it's happening. - July 2001

I think I was once given cocaine but I sneezed so it didn't go up my nose. In fact, it may have been icing sugar. - October 2005

I can't remember what my line on drugs is. What's my line on drugs? - April 2005

ON ELECTIONEERING:
I'm having Sunday lunch with my family. I'm vigorously campaigning, inculcating my children in the benefits of a Tory government. - April 2005, on being asked whether was canvassing on a Sunday, during the General Election campaign

ON THAT TACKLE:
I'm a rugby player, really, and I knew I was going to get to him, and when he was about two yards away I just put my head down. There was no malice. I was going for the ball with my head, which I understand is a legitimate move in soccer. - May 2006, referring to his tackle on a German player in a charity football match, a YouTube favourite ever since