Connor McReaddie is a fat bastard and now the whole country knows it. His mum has been scapegoated for feeding him chips with everything and snob Britain is puking into its breakfast smoothie in disgust at this 14st eight-year-old.
"These working class people are killing their children with their horrid fried food!" they sneer. "Poverty is no excuse! French peasants have one of the healthiest diets in the world!"
Yeah, well, unfortunately Connor lives in Wallsend, not France. And if you walk into a cafe round there and ask for a salad Nicoise with no olive oil and just a smidgen of balsamic the best you could hope for would be a battered Snickers bar with curry sauce. More likely, you'd be stabbed in the eye with a chip fork and have a pickled egg rammed up your arse.
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Don’t worry about fat kids like Connor, says sam delaney, drugs will soon sort them out |
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I feel sorry for Connor's mum, who has been portrayed as a cross between Myra Hindley and The Childcatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang just because she's unable to control the rampant appetite of her son. How can you blame her for giving in to his ravenous demands?
If I had a kid that size I'd give him anything he bloody wanted for fear of him knocking me out, covering me in HP sauce and wolfing me down for elevenses.
But there is a way out for Connor.
I had a chubby phase when I was a kid (Findus Cripsy Pancakes were what passed for health food in my house). But I managed to shed the pounds the fun way during my teens: through drug abuse. Yep, as long as there are inexpensive amphetamines available on the streets of our cities, there's always hope for the juvenile lard-arses of Britain. 
FIRST POSTED FEBRUARY 28, 2007
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