Who wants to be a sensible teen?

Fergie has confided to a US mag that she and her two daughters are known as “The Tripod” (“totally and utterly connected in every single way”) and watch DVDs back-to-back every weekend from lunchtime to midnight. I don’t even want to think about the psychological scars that are sure to result. Whatever happened to teen angst and the my-mum-drives-me-up-the-wall years? They should be hanging out with Peaches Geldof and Daisy Lowe. They should be doing recreational drugs and wearing black eyeliner. Or the hideous fate of early-onset maturity awaits them. Thick ankles too, I shouldn’t wonder.

SHE’S GOTTA HAVE IT