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Georgia Cameron-Clarke Post-modern Manners
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It was all going so nicely. The children were attempting to ice-skate, so our conversation was interrupted by requests to re-tie scarves, etc. We were listing our Christmas present hits and misses. My friend had brought along a new acquaintance, an American woman.
"Actually, I'm a little confused," she said brightly. "I was putting away clothes this morning and came across a necklace in my husband's closet. In the bag. With a receipt."
An angel passes over. My friend gives me the 'eeek!' face, then everyone speaks at once.
"Maybe it's for Valentine's Day." "Is it your birthday soon?" "Anniversary?"
Another pause.
"My birthday is in June. Anniversary, September." Yikes.
And then, oh no, my forthright friend has opened her mouth. "Honey. That present wasn't for you." We all give her a look, and then wait for the response.
Meanwhile someone says: "This sounds familiar. Oh, I know - Love Actually."
Then came Forthright Friend chipping in again.
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An angel passes over. My friend gives me the ‘eeek!’ face, then everyone speaks at once
"All men buy Valentine's Day presents on the day."
The American woman must have wished she'd kept her mouth shut. "Oh, I really don't think he's a cheater,"
she protested. But now she really, really did.
Someone asked: "Well, what did he get you for Christmas?"
Good one, Sherlock.
"A trip to Italy."
"The two of you?"
"No, with a friend."
This is the hard evidence Forthright Friend needed.
"Perfect. He's sending you away so he can spend a weekend with her." Worse and worse.
"OK, here's the practical solution. Leave it and say nothing but keep checking. If you get it, great. If it disappears, then you know."
The poor woman just sat there open-
mouthed. 
FIRST POSTED JANUARY 10, 2007
 Previously: I'm turning into a green-eyed monster
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