skip to nav

animal magnetism

There are two broad schools of man management. The first argues that we should regard our partners as a species of child or animal - and according to this reasoning, there’s no reason to stop at the man himself.

A terrifying new book from the States, Sex Lives of Wives, by Holly Hollenbeck (Vermilion, £9.99), advises women to treat their partner’s penis as a pet (Touch it, stroke it, play with it... Love it like your pet!). This is merely the logical extension of an earlier book applying the rules of dog-training to husbands and boyfriends, and indeed a whole genre of

literature which seeks to use reward and punishment to tame the masculine beast.

The second school prefers to think of men as our equals, thinking, feeling human beings, not adorable, rumbustious chimps, who deserve our respect and consideration. Utopian perhaps, given all the evidence in favour of the chimp theory.

My own feeling is that if we must treat men as animals, we could at least choose large, dignified and well-endowed ones. Horse-whispering for husbands? It’s surely only a matter of time.

Laura Tennant

SHE’S GOTTA HAVE IT