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There are bossy signs everywhere around our village. It wasn't like that 10 years ago - then there was only one (or only one that I can remember). It stood next to the bird sanctuary and read 'This Way to the Yellow Hammer Club'.
Now there are signs telling you to keep your dog on a lead 'AT ALL TIMES' and not to turn your car or disturb the ducks nesting on the pond. But there's one newly-erected order that has left me completely stumped. Positioned at the start of a much-used bridleway that cuts across two fields and a meadow, the sign says 'Keep off the grass'.
At first I wondered whether it was some conceptual art installation. But the sign has been there now for about three months and shows no signs of any sequel - so I have to assume the farmer put it up. Perhaps he sold his land to one of
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 Country Matters |
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Conceptual art or super-clever farming? letty wheeler interprets the signs in the village
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the growing army of emigres from Guildford. Or maybe he is a Jain, fearful of the damage wrought on sentient insects by clod-hoppers.
But my suspicion is that he is becoming an eco-farmer and that the grass he's referring to is the kind of thing not seen in Britain since the age of the dinosaurs. At the moment the fields look as they always do at this time of year - dark brown. But over the next few months I expect them to turn a lush, triffid green; ripening up for use as bio-diesel.
He is ahead of the game. Other farmers have been shedding land more quickly than the polar ice-cap. But in 10 years time our farmer will be erecting 'Keep off the grass' signs all over the place, having raked in millions from the EU for growing it.
Of course, he may just have planted some rare orchids. 
FIRST POSTED JANUARY 13
Last week: a shot in the night
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