socio-economic issues surrounding modern communications. But what next for the slightly emotionally scarred ex-single mum and the step-sprogs? Of course they can move to Cornwall if they want to, but they need to know that there are some places in the county that are now virtually no-go zones for youngsters and adults alike.

"Some parts of Cornwall are so dangerous the politicians will refuse to even discuss it," warns a crime prevention professional. "That's because the tourists and quango chiefs are obsessed with marketing Cornwall as a yuppie lifestyle destination."

The dilapidated industrial backwater town of Redruth, generally known in Cornish-speak as 'Dead Rough' – the cabbies call it 'Beirut' – has suffered intolerably high levels of anti-social behaviour, ranging from drug related crime (Redruth has one of the highest proportions of heroin addicts in the UK), to full-scale running battles between gangs of youths in the high street. Now a police-enforced curfew – under 10s have to be indoors by 6pm, under 16s indoors by 9pm – ensures the streets of Redruth are eerily quiet. The charity shops, pound shops and

derelict warehouses seem safe from vandalism for the moment.

One pre-curfew incident saw children as young as six attacking terrified adults as they left a town centre pub. On the same night unconscious diners had to be dragged back into a restaurant, and barricaded inside, as thugs ran riot in the streets. The limited police service was unable to respond due to various reports of a man running amok with a knife elsewhere in the district.

We can be reasonably sure that BT's stepdad bloke, surfing the sea when he isn't surfing the net, will see little of Cornwall's deprived areas, preferring to confine himself to the rugged coast and rolling countryside.

As well from yobs and quangos, Cornwall has seen threats against the 'English Colonisers' by the fiercely patriotic Cornish. The BT commercial episode that we won't see will be hip couple being run out of their quaint little fishing village by the 'quirky Cornish characters' with whom they try to mingle.

Loic Rich is a Cornish nationalist and Truro city councillor for Mebyon Kernow.