Chinese dissidents humiliate the government: There are millions of disaffected citizens in China - many of whom want to use the Olympics as an opportunity to raise awareness for their cause. There's certainly no shortage of causes - Xinjiang separatists, land reformists, Tibetan-rights activists, pro-democracy groups…

China perform too well: There is a very real possibility that China will win more medals than any other country has ever won in a single Olympics. In fact the Chinese media will treat anything less than absolute domination as failure. If the Chinese do perform to the terrifyingly efficient level expected of them, expect the rest of the world's media to enter into a mass sulk, lamenting the end of sportsmanship.

Snooping journalists: The government's Olympic Planning Committee has done its best to ensure that the Beijing on show this month will be nothing like the Beijing known to its residents. The older, more shambolic neighbourhoods have been knocked

down or roped off in the hope that the photographers' lenses only pick up the shiny, glass skyscrapers. The opposite could happen: western newspapers will be filled with stories of disgruntled Beijingers whose lives were ruined or disrupted by the Olympics.

The world recoils in horror at Chinese habits: Asking the entire population of Beijing not to spit is akin to asking Premier League footballers not to swear at referees. They know the repercussions but they'll do it anyway. Innocent tourists will be exposed to normal Chinese people in all their burping, farting, pushing, shouting glory.

Mass confusion over doping: Last year a caterer working for the United States Olympic Committee visited China and was shocked to discover why portions of chicken being sold in supermarkets were so huge: "We had it tested and it was so full of steroids that we never could have given it to athletes," he said. "They all would have tested positive."