French kissing in the UK

Oh God. She's leaning in for the second kiss but I've already backed away. Now I'm going to have to move back to kiss the other cheek at an awkward angle and... Yep, there it is, I've headbutted her. Brilliant.

Why does it always have to end this way when I kiss an acquaintance on the cheek? When I was about seventeen I got inappropriately drunk at a fancy, grown-up party. The only other person close to my age

there was a pretty Chinese girl.

When I stumbled up to her to say goodbye she leant in to give me a kiss on the cheek. I wasn't familiar with the informal kiss on the cheek back then so, in my drunken mind, I thought, 'Great, she wants to get off with me.'

My stupid tongue flopped out of my inebriated mouth too early, she backed away and I wound up licking thin air like some sort of demented Labrador. Everyone at the party was looking at me, so I left my tongue hanging out for a bit longer.