US sperm bank offers stimulus to hard up

Mervyn King will be delighted: a leading American bank is engaged in quantitative easing - albeit a sperm bank.

Xytex International, which, like Coca-Cola, is based in Augusta, Georgia, has been in the business of providing "exceptionally high standard sperm", as its website puts it, since 1975. Demand remains high but, says a company spokeswoman, "We're all feeling the effects of the economy and, especially for families seeking reproductive options, every dollar counts."

The company's answer to the credit crunch is therefore to introduce the concept of the 'select' donor, vials of whose sperm cost less than those of a 'standard' donor.

What makes a 'select' sperm donor? They're donors from whom Xytex has "many, many vials". And why does Xytex have so many such vials? "Because they're very successful donors or able to stop in several times a week." Too much information here, perhaps, but the result is "a huge inventory".

So, rather like Opec upping oil production, Xytex is opening its floodgates. Not so much a clearance sale, the company says, as sensitivity to elasticity in supply. And no diminution in quality, either, says the company: "Select donors haven't reached the end of their shelf-life; they're just overproduced" - a fact reflected in the price: $250-350 per 'select' unit, as against $385-585 for the 'standard' unit.

All in all, a stimulus package of which Gordon Brown, Barack Obama and even Nicolas Sarkozy will approve.