skip to nav

The Wilf on Thursday
Previous issue
First Posted noon October18,2007

AUDIT BUREAU OF CONVERSATIONSFounded in 1947, the Audit Bureau of Conversations (ABC) acted under the auspices of Whitehall’s Statistical Department until privatisation in 1979, when its headquarters were moved from Basingstoke to South Malden.

If two glasses of wine is now classified as hazardous, then I'll take the risk.

So now the cops can shoot anyone who had a line of coke the night before?

I think my teeth will have rotted away before I get on an NHS dentist's list.

One Eavesdropped and Recorded Measurement (ERM) is equivalent to a single remark made in the course of conversation between two or more adults.

BOOM BOOMConscious of its responsibility to the planet, The Wilf is committed to recycling in a very real sense. We do our best to ensure our jokes have already been used elsewhere - but if you do find an original item in this selection, please inform the help desk, so that we can take the necessary action.

Jesus walks into a hotel. He hands the innkeeper three nails and asks: "Can you put me up for the night?"

A director decides that he's going to make a movie based on the lives of famous classical composers. Looking for a cast, he asks Sylvester Stallone which composer he would like to play, and Sly says: "I'd like to be Mozart."
The director then turns to Arnold Schwarzenegger and asks him whom he'd like to play. So Arnie says: "I'll be Bach."

MORE

Said & Meant

S."To say this is the equivalent of Neville Chamberlain coming back from Munich... is not worthy." - David Milliband on the recent EU negotiations.

M. "This morning, I had another talk with the German Chancellor..."

Classified

ST WILFRED'S: The Pentecostal church invited us to discuss attitudes to contraception. View picture.

ADVERTISERS: Make sure your online display is next to relevant copy. See new cross-referencing technology here.

ADVERTISEMENT