give the poor sap a sense of self. He can believe them when they say he's brilliant.

And he can play them off against each other. Favourites sit in his dressing room with him, holding his hand and eating his fruit. Those out of favour weep

down the phone to their agents. It's power!

The writers write the things that make the audience think he's a witty guy. Jay Leno (left) produced a gag on his Friday show which sneered at his writers, and I hope he thanked the writer who wrote it for him. The rule of thumb is, anything the Talent says while looking into camera has been written by a writer. You know that because he's reading it on the autocue.

Writers come in large numbers on these shows - 15 or more on a big US show, four or five on a British equivalent. Someone like Jonathan 'megabucks' Ross will have a couple of favourites, often close friends, on the payroll, plus two or three more