Will Self clashes over breasts

Will Self was tackled about his use of recondite vocabulary in his novels at the Hay literary festival at the weekend, particularly his use of the word "orchidaceous" to describe breasts in his most recent book, Butt. "It just means really titty tits," he replied. "Why didn't I say that? Silly old me. If I'd have said 'titty tits' I probably would have won the Booker Prize."

Another member of the audience asked him why he just didn't use simple words, citing George Orwell. To this, a slightly rattled Self said: "I don't believe Orwell believed it. He said one of his favourite writers was James Joyce. So what the fuck's going on there, Eric?" Finally, someone came up with something to the writer's liking, to which he responded: "What a good question. I'm minded to come round and shampoo your stair carpet."