Tofu and trimmings for Heather’s handymen

Crushing disappointment this week for the gang of builders currently working on Heather Mills McCartney's multi-million pound home in Crowhurst, East Sussex. Their special Christmas lunch, promised by Paul McCartney's estranged wife for next Thursday, is going to be a big let-down. Heather, who is described by the men on the job as an ideal client, friendly and always in a good mood, had surprised them with the offer of the lunch. "With most people we're lucky if we get a cup of tea," one of them told The First Post. "We couldn't believe we were getting a slap-up meal."

Yesterday, the 15 or so assorted brickies, carpenters, plumbers and general handymen looking forward to turkey with all the trimmings learned there was a catch - they're going to get tofu. In line with Heather's much-publicised beliefs, the meal will be strictly vegan.

Realisation for the builders dawned when one of them took a sneaky look inside one of Heather's huge freezers, and saw what was waiting for them. "It's all in individual packs," he reported. "All she has to do is warm them up. It's all strictly vegetarian, but they've shaped the stuff to look like turkey. What's the point of that?" Nonetheless, the builders intend to tackle the meal like men. "We'll choke it down. After all, Heather's not against alcohol. Apparently there's going to be plenty to drink."